When Dickie grew up to be eighteen and twenty years of age, and so on, he decided he would go out around the world to see if he could earn some money. So he went to this place and some other different places, and so on, and he earned a fine lot of money. And in one particular place, begar, he met up with a beautiful girl, and after a while, a period of courtship, they got married. Now Dickie was happy. He had plenty of money to build a lovely home and he had a lovely woman and oh, he was very, very happy.
So as years went on, Dickie was going to work, and so on, and one day he came back and he said to his wife, he said, “I feel sick,” he said, “ today,” he said. “I have difficulty to the work.” His wife said, “Well,” she said, “you’d better call the Doctor.” So he said, “Yes, I think it’d be wise.” So Dickie phoned the Doctor and the Doctor came and examined Dickie. “Ah, Dickie boy, you’re not serious,” he said. “I’ll give you some treatment now,” he said, “and in a few days you’ll be able to get back to work again.”
And while the Doctor was there examining Dickie, begar, he took a fancy to Dickie’s wife, and Dickie’s wife took a fancy to the Doctor. So when Dickie was able to go back to work again, Dickie’s wife phoned and told the Doctor, Dickie was gone back to work now and, begar, the Doctor came and paid Mrs. Milburn a visit. And every day when Dickie would go back to work, the Doctor would come and, begar, Mrs. Milburn and the Doctor got very, very fond of each other.
There was a Peddler living in the same village. So one day the Peddler said he’d think he’d go out and see if he could sell something. So he went around here and there, and so on, and he went to Dickie’s house. And when he went to Dickie’s house, begar anyhow, nobody there only the Doctor and Mrs. Milburn, and the Peddler took notice of what was going on between the Doctor and Mrs. Milburn. So anyhow the Peddler went home.
By and by, begar, Mrs. Milburn and the Doctor got very, very fond of each other but the only thing was now, Dickie was in the way. If they could get rid of Dickie, but they didn’t want to kill him or anything like that but they’d like to get rid of him in some decent way. So as they talked it over, the Doctor said to Mrs. Milburn, he said, “I got a plan.” She said, “Yes what is it?” “Well,” he said, “when Dickie comes home from work, when you see Dickie coming, you sit down in the chair. And when Dickie comes in you say, ‘Dickie, boy, something happened to me very, very quick just now, I’m getting sick very, very fast.’ You sit in the chair. You won’t be in the chair very long before you say ‘Dickie boy, I can’t stand it any longer, I got to go to bed.’” And he says, “You won’t be in the bed very long before you call Dickie in, you say ‘Dickie, I’m getting sick very, very fast, you’ll have to call the Doctor.’ And,” he says, “I’ll come and I’ll just know what to say.” So OK.
Next day Dickie came home from work, Mrs. Milburn sat in the chair and she said, “Dickie boy, I don’t know what happened but I got sick very, very fast just now,” she said. And finally she didn’t sit in the chair very long, she said, “Dickie boy, I can’t stand it any longer, I got to go to bed.” She went in the bed; by and by she called Dickie in and she said, “Dickie boy, I can’t stand it any longer. I’m getting sick very, very fast. You’ll have to call the Doctor.”
So, anyhow, Dickie rushed out and he called the Doctor and the Doctor came. He went into Mrs. Milburn’s room. Finally he came out, he sat down with his head down, and Dickie said to the Doctor, he said, “Doctor, what do you think of my wife,” he said, “Doctor?” “Well,” he said, “Dickie boy, in fact,” he said, “your wife,” he said, “is dangerously ill.” He said, “She’s going to die. But,” he said, “there’s one thing in the world,” he said, “that will save her and that is a bottle of Sweet Absalone, but,” he said, “you’ll have to go to the end of the world,” he said, “to get it.” And Dickie said, “Go to the end of the world! Will I ever get there?” The Doctor said, “Yes boy, sure you’ll get there, if you starts,” he said, “and you’ll get back again too,” he said. “And you’ll save your wife.” Oh God, Dickie would do anything to save his wife. So Dickie takes off for the end of the world.
On his way he met this Peddler. And the Peddler said, “Hello Dickie,” he said, “where are you going?” “Ah,” Dickie said, “boy,” he said, “my wife is dangerously ill,” he said, “and the doctor tells me,” he said, “only one thing in the world is going to save her and that is a bottle of Sweet Absalone and I got to go to the end of the world,” he said, “to get it.” And the Peddler said, “Ah Dickie,” he said, “you know, boy, you’re foolish. You know,” he said, “you’ll never get to the end of the world,” he said. “You’ll die,” he said, “before you get there,” he said. Ah God, Dickie could hardly believe that. The Peddler said, “You know, Dickie, your wife and the Doctor is trying to get rid of you,” he said. Dickie could hardly believe it. “Well, now to prove it,” he said, “you crawl in my knapsack and I’ll take you to your home,” he said, “so you’ll see all that’s going on for yourself.” So anyway, by and by, Dickie crawled in the Peddler’s knapsack and the Peddler threw him on his back and took him to Dickie’s house.
Dickie was gone and Mrs. Milburn was all dressed up now, she was all smiles, and the Doctor was all smiles and everything. So Mrs. Milburn prepared a lunch now for the three of them. So when the lunch was ready and set over to the table and Mrs. Milburn and the Doctor sat at the side of the table and the Peddler sat at the end. And the Peddler said, “I think it’d be wise now,” he said, “for the three of us to sing a verse of a song,” he said, “before we eat. If we’re going to have a good time,” he said, “let’s have a good time.” “Oh yes, oh yes,” they agreed.
“Well,” the Peddler said, “I call on Mrs. Milburn to sing the first verse.” So Mrs. Milburn said she’d do her best anyway, so she sang :
Ah, Little Dickie Milburn, you’re far, far from home.
You’re after a bottle of Sweet Absalone.
May God send you long passage and never to return,
And it’s way for a bottle of ale, more ale.
This way for a bottle of ale.
Oh, they clapped their hands and said, “That’s wonderful. That’s a wonderful verse, wonderful verse.” “Now,” the Peddler said, “Doctor, it’s your turn for the next verse.” So the Doctor said he’d do his best anyway, so the Doctor sang :
Little Dickie Milburn, you’re far, far from home.
You’re after a bottle of Sweet Absalone.
If God spares me my life I will sleep with your wife,
And it’s way for a bottle of ale, more ale.
This way for a bottle of ale.
Oh, they clapped their hands. “That’s wonderful. That’s a wonderful time.” And Dickie was over there now taking it all aboard. “Now,” the Doctor said, “Mr. Peddler, it’s your turn to sing the next verse.” Well, the Peddler said he’d do his best anyway, so the Peddler sang :
Little Dickie Milburn, you are very nigh,
And out of my knapsack you may present fly.
And if you’ll attack I will stand to your back,
And it’s way for a bottle of ale, more ale.
This way for a bottle of ale.
Oh, Dickie began to shiver and shake in the knapsack and up jumped the Doctor and up jumped Mrs. Milburn from the table all excited. Dickie comes out of the knapsack and Mrs. Milburn started to run away. Dickie threw a rolling pin at Mrs. Milburn and he threw an old rubber boot at the Doctor and that separated the Doctor and Mrs. Milburn forever afterwards.
Transcribed by Kelly Russell
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